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I went through an excessive number of partners in this manner. However, with my previous(current) spouse, I was determined not to repeat the error.

I immediately informed my new companion that I could only be obtained through clitoral stimulation. I informed him that I had never had orgasms with partners. That was an excellent move. That relieved both myself and him of pressure. I could immediately relax and focus on learning to enjoy sex, rather than continuously thinking about why I wasn’t having an orgasm and how I could conceal it. If I’d previously spent years faking one with him, this would be significantly more difficult, but it would still be absolutely required.

Additionally, I discovered that being candid and open about this helped me be more assertive about what I desired in bed. Rather of prioritizing his pleasure at the expense of mine, I now ensured that I was as comfortable as he was with what we were doing.

I established my boundaries; I told him what I loved and what I despised. I discovered kegel muscles.

I discovered that the majority of sex positions did not require me to tension my kegel muscles as much as the ones I used during solitary masturbation did. As a result, I corrected that. We identified postures that were effective. We discovered sex toys in adult toy stores (성인용품). We managed to make it work. I took my time, not setting lofty goals for myself, but rather progressively, organically, and safely exploring new territory.


I’ve come to the simple and liberating realization that I don’t have to be dishonest with myself or my partner by faking an orgasm. His ego is not so paramount that I must lie, tolerate unpleasant situations, and disregard my own body signals. I don’t need to be so terrified of offending him that I put up a front. If I didn’t compel my partner to come, I’d like to know. I’d rather direct my efforts toward asserting, “No, it does not work.” Instead, try this.” I’ve discovered that saying “no” in bed is a tremendous weapon, particularly when it comes to determining what your body is comfortable with, what it craves, and what it requires. Utilize it.


Faking an orgasm is similar to lying to your doctor and repeatedly stating, “Yes, those drugs worked,” because you want them to feel like they did a good job. When, in fact, you are not improving their ability to practice medicine. You are instilling in them negative habits. And you remain ill.


Avoid scowling. I had my justifications.

I desired the happiness of those partners. I desired that they felt fantastic. I desired that they felt secure. Which is, in fact, absurd. Because, in the end, it benefited no one.

I didn’t want to feign orgasms, but I felt compelled to. I was experiencing the repercussions of the culturally conditioned assumption that my partner’s orgasm, pleasure, and pride were more significant than mine during those early years of lovemaking. They were more significant as individuals than I was. After all, they were men of the cisgender. I needed to ensure they felt connected.


Additionally, I felt guilty. Guilty that their penises failed to make me feel anything when all of their doubts and anxieties about “becoming a guy” were encased in that vessel that did not appeal to me. I was certain it wasn’t a matter of size. I’d had both large and small, and all sizes seemed underwhelming.

And after we finished having sex, my boyfriend would invariably glance up at me, his eyes sparkling with nervous hope, and inquire, “did you come?” And I’d nod my head, avert his stare, and wonder what the matter was. Worse even would be the nights when he would whisper, “come for me, immediately!” as if his voice alone has magical properties. What was I supposed to do? Give him a blank stare and shrug your shoulders? I had no idea that some ladies are unable to have orgasms only from penetration.

And, of course, I attempted to coerce myself into coming during sex. However, it was never successful. I was perplexed as to why my clitoris, which was so predictable and trustworthy during solo play, would not carry me anywhere when another player was there. When I was alone, I could reach the location in less than 15 seconds and then repeat. However, during sex, I could be intrigued and aroused, but an orgasm would be a long shot.

Naturally, once you begin faking orgasms, it’s nearly impossible to stop. Not unless and until you admit your deception.